A Grilled Cheese Sandwich For Every Situation

Think of this as 23 grilled cheese sandwiches and the situations in which I’d eat them: an ‘it’s complicated’ love story.

Oh, and you might get some recipe inspiration too, I guess.

Let us begin…

What is it: Pickle-addition grilled cheese
When would I eat it: This is my [insert poop emoji here] day concession. Add some ham and mayo and I would probably turn down Channing Tatum to go home and eat this.
What is it: Brie, bacon and fig grilled cheese
When would I eat it: On pay day. This is like a $24 sandwich… who am I, Bill Gates?!
What is it: Pear, gorgonzola and brie grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When I was at a random hipster bar and the only other thing on the menu was an ancient grain and kimchi cookie with foraged micro herb dipping sauce.
What is it: Pastrami grilled cheese
When would I eat it: The one time I remembered to branch out at the deli and actually order something other than leg ham.
What is it: Cucumber and goat’s cheese grilled cheese
When would I eat it: Wait. WTF is cucumber doing on a grilled cheese?! This is like casting Rove in a porno. I don’t think so.
What is it: Caramelised balsamic onion grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When I was really bored, there was nothing on TV and I apparently had nothing better to do than spend an hour caramelising a bag of onions. So… never.
What is it: Macaroni grilled cheese
When would I eat it: Look… I’d probably have to be high.
What is it: Brie, apple and raisin bread grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When I was cooking in the dark and thought I’d picked up Wonder White and a vine-ripened tomato.
What is it: Mini grilled cheese with tomato soup shots
When would I eat it: I made this once for a dinner party for a dude who “wasn’t into dinner parties” as a way of easing him into it. Although really, who’s not into having someone try to impress you with food? That’s like not being into the ability to masturbate with thought alone. You don’t have to lift a finger and yet you still reap all the rewards. Anyway, turns out it was quite the hit and now I make it all the time.
What is it: Blueberry grilled cheese
When would I eat it: If I perpetrated something heinous, was sent to prison, took up smoking, lost all sense of taste and smell, realised I’d completely squandering my life and just plain didn’t care anymore. Not before.
What is it: Poutine grilled cheese
When would I eat it: If I had a better metabolism, EVERY POUTINE-LOVIN’ DAY. If you’ve never had the pleasure, poutine is a Canadian delight made up of fries, cheese curds and gravy. It’s the ultimate post-ski pick-me-up. I ate it for six weeks straight back in early 2001. Whoever made this is a genius and if I find them, I will marry them.
What is it: Avocado grilled cheese
When would I eat it: To be honest, I wouldn’t. I find the texture of avocado way too slimy for my liking. Sort of like eating green snot. Hey… I was five once too, you know. The rest of the world seems to go nutty for avo though, so… here you go. It’s all yours, good buddies!
What is it: Smoked salmon and gruyere grilled cheese
When would I eat it: This is like one of those improbable recipes the fish board made up in an effort to get people to consume more Omega-3. Fetch-fish ain’t gonna happen, food authority, stop trying to make it happen. I might eat this on Good Friday, but that’s it.
What is it: Cauliflower crust grilled cheese
When would I eat it: Um… when I ran out of bread but figured eating melted cheese out of my hands probably meant I’d been single for too long?
What is it: Crispy bacon grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When WOULDN’T I eat this.
What is it: Italian caprese grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When I wanted to pretend I was eating salad for lunch.
What is it: Asparagus grilled cheese
When would I eat it: Any time I’m missing my ma and she won’t pick up the phone because she’s down at the gym working on her quads. She used to make this for my sisters and I when we were tikes – I suspect as a way to get us to eat a vegetable we wouldn’t have otherwise – but it will forever remind me of her. As will The Blues Brothers and any time someone says, “What are you talking about? You can never have too many little black dresses, you fool.”
What is it: Spinach and artichoke grilled cheese
When would I eat it: When my doctor says, “How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t live on a diet that consists of cured meats and cheese alone. For the last time, you really need to work more vegetables into your diet.”
What is it: Lasagne grilled cheese
When would I eat it: I don’t even know what’s going on here.
What is it: Steak grilled cheese
When would I eat it: While watching a Bruce Willis or possibly Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.
What is it: Pulled pork grilled cheese
When would I eat it: Firstly, I’m a grilled cheese purist – you put too many ingredients in there and it’s no longer a cheese sandwich. Suddenly it’s just a regular sandwich in which the hero ingredient is fighting for attention with at least four other less delicious things. In saying that, this looks amazing. I’ll probably manage to sniff one out before the end of the day.
What is it: Kale and jamon grilled cheese
When would I eat it: The next time there’s a worldwide kale shortage and I want to prove how well I’m doing for myself.
What is it: Nutella and marscapone grilled cheese
When would I eat it: After I ate number one and came to the realisation I’d just turned down Channing Tatum. What the hell was I thinking?! Oh man, this shit is heavy… I’m going to need a number eleven.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end of my ‘it’s complicated’ love story, y’all… Now go on – go get all the recipe links over on the Pinterest board. x

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