Love Hurts

It does, it really does. Until it doesn’t, of course. So how do you skip to the end part?

That’s the question I have – that everyone has – about love. How do I know if when to chase and when to be aloof? How can I tell if he’s going to stick around? How, on God’s green earth, do I know he’s the one?!

Well, there’s an entire industry (actually, several of them if you count the jewellery industry, greeting card industry, heart-shaped chocolate industry and prophylactic industry) dedicated to all things love. Because we all want it; we all crave it; we all deserve it.

Of course that doesn’t mean you won’t trip up a couple of times first. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have given yourself so many bruises you could be mistaken for some kind of human-leopard hybrid, but that’s okay. It’s part of the journey. And it’s a messy, ridiculous, beautiful journey.

Although let me blurt out right now that I think looking for “the one” is a flawed concept. If there was really only one person out there for you what are the odds they happen to live in the same city as you, in the next suburb as you, are the same age as you, speak the same language as you do… well, you’re picking up what I’m putting down. So let go of that idea. Chuck it in the garbage like it’s a week-old cheese sandwich. It’s no good anymore; it’s just going to make you sick.

What isn’t, however – and what does exist is every glorious measure – is big, stupid love. Sometime it lasts a week, sometimes a lifetime. But it’s out there. So how do you find it?

For my pair of pennies, I think if you’re really dedicated to the cause, you have to treat dating like a part time job. You have to put aside time for it; put some elbow grease into it. You are not The Little Mermaid and Eric is not going to fall into your lap while you’re sitting at your desk.

I got to put my theory to Melanie Shilling, eHarmony’s resident psychologist, for a video series I recently collaborated on them with called The Lowdown On Love. In fact, I asked her a lot of questions single women my age have when it comes to dating. And fair to say she’s something of a romantic headmistress – tough but fair.

Here’s how it went down – I got something out of it and I hope you do too.

For more, check out eHarmony’s dating blog.

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